And falling tree it was.
My boss had been having this drama with his eighty-odd year old retired and lonely neighbour who does nothing else but annoy everyone else in the area. One time, my boss was preening his garden of those pesky little weeds (oh, not the illegal ones) when this neighbour came up to him and offered his help as there was nothing else to do (it was a lazy Sunday afternoon in Sydney... read: boring!) . My boss, being the ever-friendly and ever-tolerable 40-year-old that he was, accepted such gracious offer. Little did he know that this neighbour of his had long been annoyed of his uncoordinated garden so made this opportunity to re-landscape the area! So, instead of just tidying up the garden, he uprooted the plants which, to him, were a tiny bit misplaced and ineptly planted. Maybe he was fantasizing about being a member of Backyard Blitz? Who knows.
As ill-fortuned as the Boudelaire children can be, my boss lived next door to this bothersome neighbour. And with those little vexing episodes laying the base for an ultimate incident that would break any kind of bond between these two gentlemen (like a blanched silverbeet bunch that serves as the bed for the various-herb-marinated lamb steak...pardon my analogy but I am starving right now), they finally culminated with the falling tree incident. Mr. Neighbour was irritated with this pine tree of my boss only because a few of its branches extended over the dividing fence, albeit way above it; way above his roof even. Not too much of a trouble, yes, but Mr. Neighbour claims, and appropriately so, that it was invading his airspace. As the Latin maxim goes, Cuius est solum, ejus est usque ad caelen et ad inferos--'he who possesses land also possesses that which is above it as far as the heavens and that which is below it to the centre of the earth.' (Round 1: a point for Mr. Neighbour).
To prevent anymore skirmishes that weren't worth a dime, my boss trimmed those problem branches. But no, being retired and alone and a little loony, Mr. Neighbour wanted the whole tree cut, not just the branches! But that was a ripe, old, endangered-species pine tree, maybe even as old as he was! All the same, he would not accept any excuses, thus kept on bugging my boss who would not give in to that pressure. Until one day, as he was about to drive off for work, he noticed that sign on the tree which said "DANGER FALLING TREE!"
Underneath that sign, almost half of the tree's bark was cut in such a way that a hard gust of wind could unbalance the tree and the part that still held it together would give up and so the tree would fall right onto my boss' house! That morning turned out to be made up of unprecedented commotion, from the Council's men to firefighters, from fire trucks to huge cranes, from solicitors to Mr. Neighbour admitting that he was the one who cut that tree, and they finally cut that blessed tree down.
End of story? NO! My boss had three other trees along that fence line that Mr. Neighbour had his eyes on! And he threatened that he will do the same to those trees when he had the opportunity. Imagine how freaky you would get? Well, extremely FREAKED OUT—that's what my boss had been. He would wake up in the middle of the night when he heard some hubbub outside, which would turn out to be nothing but a couple of possums wooing each other (in that possum-ly manner). Anyway, I would be freaked out o'ryt!
The denouement? He appealed to the local magistrate for a restraining order against Mr. Neighbour. Though I'm not that sure if that would even work. Mr. Neighbour might even gladly welcome the company of the guards in jail, coupled with free board and lodging in those hotel-like cells. After all, what is that compared to his four-bedroom-two-storey property which hones in on his loneliness? At least, boss would have some peace at last.
Aaaargh, the dangers of a falling tree.
